All Of Me
by laurzz
Summary: DannyLindsay. Post season 9. one-shot. "It wouldn't always be easy, but as he looked at his wife and daughter, two of the three things in the world that mattered most to him, he realised that no matter what they had to go through, it would always be worth it."


**A/N: alright, don't restart your device. your eyes do not deceive you. it's me, and I'm not posting hunger games fanfiction. it's okay I know that's a bit of a shock. I'm not going to lie, I have really struggled to piece together a sentence lately, never mind a whole story. This has been hidden away on my laptop for at least a year. if not longer. In fact, I wrote it and used the title I had planned to use for it for another story. Holy crap, I just went back to look and the story was posted in 2010. So I've had this story for four years. four. I've tweaked it into oblivion, so realistically it probably isn't even the same story anymore. And I added a certain mini Messer after the season 9 finale. I've always come back to this story and never felt like it was ready to post, like I wanted to save it and I feel now is a good time. **

**Of course, I've had some gentle nudging from Megan and webdlfan and they've been extremely patient with me and my latest obsession. You can all thank them for me posting this! a recent twitter conversation gave me the nerve to post it! And it was CSI:NY appreciation week last week on tumblr (thanks to meg!) and I feel like well, now's as good of a time as any. **

**You don't want my rambles though. So here you go, angsty (but happy in the end) DL!  
Enjoy!:) **

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'_Cause all of me, loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me; I'll give my all to you - you're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose I'm winning 'cause I give you all of me and you give me all of you. _

_-All of me, John Legend._

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Danny Messer let out a defeated sigh as the rain drummed on his car in the latest onslaught of torrential rain. He could see his wife and little girl happily playing in their living room in the suburbs. The problem to that perfect little scenario was that they were playing without him, just like they had for the past few months. Sitting on the outside looking in was something that just killed him… and yet he insisted on doing it twice a week.

They'd left it so that neither of them knew what it was that was going on. Yes they'd been going through trouble in their marriage; but everyone did. Even though he hadn't wanted to leave, he knew that he had to put his wants and needs to one side and think about what was best for Lindsay and their children. He knew he and Lindsay had been arguing a lot. He knew they'd been snapping at each other for things that they probably shouldn't have. Initially, it had been silly things, like not picking up things from the store, but eventually, the bigger, more important, foundation shaking arguments reared their ugly heads. Arguments about him spending too much time at work became a constant argument that they just couldn't move away from. They had gone from momentary snaps to raging arguments that left the both of them wondering whether this was the best for all involved. He constantly defended his hours he put in at work, while Lindsay defended her insistence that he should be at home, helping to raise their children together.

As time progressed, their philosophy of not going to bed angry became a distant memory – wherein a night often ended in a firm, 'good night,' as a means to end their argument and a dramatic roll away from the other. After two weeks of listening to Lindsay cry herself to sleep, Danny had gathered himself some blankets and pillows and headed for the couch for a restless night's sleep. Listening to Lindsay realise that they'd lost everything that they once were was something that Danny couldn't deal with; it was soul destroying in that he knew exactly what he needed to do – he needed to take her in his arms and tell her that everything would be okay – but there was just something holding him back. He couldn't make the move he needed to, in order to fix everything that was wrong with them.

And beyond all of the things he and Lindsay were dealing with – or, more aptly, _not _dealing with, he knew that he didn't want to see Lucy or their son, Benjamin, cry anymore tears because Mommy and Daddy were yelling again.

He eventually realised what he needed to do when Lucy found him sleeping on the couch one night. She'd been on her way to the bathroom when she'd seen his foot, dangling over the edge of the arm. She'd approached him gently and ran her little finger on the underside of his foot, jolting him awake. She'd innocently asked if he'd fallen asleep watching TV again, and he hadn't been able to offer her an answer. Instead, he'd ushered her to the potty before she forgot and had an accident and tucked her back into bed. He then went to his son's bedroom and had collected him from his toddler bed and had held him close to his chest as he sat in Benjamin's rocking chair as he grieved his broken relationship.

The next day, he arranged to see a one-bedroom bedsit in the city; away from their family home. He took it, despite the price, damp, mildew infested walls and location working against the place. He moved one suitcase into the empty apartment and bought a single bed and a clothes rail. It was a temporary solution to a temporary emotion, he told himself. He wasn't going to buy an apartment's worth of stuff, because he inevitably hoped that it wasn't permanent. It just needed to be done… for now.

When he told Lindsay what he'd decided to do, she'd looked at him in despair as she realised the severity of their situation. Even though things were _bad, _she begged him not to go, and that they could work it out. And he probably would have stayed… but Danny could tell that even she didn't really believe the things she was saying. The truth was, neither of them really knew whether they could fix what was becoming broken. When she had seen his packed suitcase in the corner of her eye, she'd told him to leave. Numerous times. And when he finally shut the door behind him, he'd heard Lindsay's sobs from the other side of the door and it took everything he had within him not to open up their front door and take her in his arms.

Back then it had been the right thing to do, and although it pained him severely, he knew that it was still the right thing for them. They weren't any better and him just moving back in without them really committing to fixing things would deepen the cracks that were already there. But on the flip side, he couldn't be without Lindsay. She was... she was his wife. She was the light in the dark on the rough days. She was what had kept him going when he was spiralling in the direction he didn't want to go.

He was fed up with the pain of not being able to hold her anymore. He was fed up of arguing. He was fed up with his heart breaking at what their little family had broken down to. And it killed him that if together they didn't get their act together he was going to lose everything that ever mattered to him.

Neither of them had filed for divorce; it was never in his plan to file for divorce and he thought that Lindsay was too scared of the finality that a divorce brought to their situation. Deep down, he knew they could fix this. He just didn't know what it was that they needed. A reality check? A break? Something.

He'd thought about what his reaction would be if Lindsay filed for divorce. He pictured himself being strong on the outside and accepting the fact that she no longer wanted to be his wife… but on the inside, he could feel himself shattering into a million pieces. To hear the words ex-wife filled him with dread. He couldn't imagine signing a piece of paper that said he had irreconcilable differences with Lindsay. He genuinely believed that together, there was nothing that they couldn't fix. So they'd let their tempers fuel their relationship for a while? That didn't mean that they couldn't get it back on track, surely.

Thinking about something that wasn't even happening was inevitably going to lead him on a dangerous path. Preparing himself for it was one thing, but really getting into the emotions of it wasn't healthy for him. But then again, neither was spending hours parked outside his family home, hoping for a glance of his wife and their daughter.

He saw movement by the blinds, and his eyes fell upon his wife with her arms crossed over her chest with Lucy standing behind her slightly; staring directly at him. He ached to see Benjamin, but knew it was way past his son's bedtime.

He went to start his engine with dread; mentally preparing himself to head back to his silent and cold apartment in the city. He just wanted one more look. Maybe even a smile.

He saw Lindsay turn her head slightly, sending his heart to his stomach; but as Lucy smiled brightly and ran off, his heart quickly jumped back into position. It was when the front door opened and in her bare feet, Lucy came barrelling down their driveway in the pouring rain was when his heart entered his throat.

His protective side instantly wanted to growl at her for coming outside in the rain with no shoes or coat. But, as she climbed up into the passenger seat, her pretty brown locks framing her face with her toothy grin; Danny's angst melted away.

"Daddy! Daddy!"

"What baby girl?" Danny asked as he swiped a curl from Lucy's cheek. "What's the matter?!"

"Mommy sent me as a messenger!"

"She did?" Danny smiled, despite the tears he was fighting. Even though he'd seen Lucy four days ago on their agreed day for visitation, he felt like she'd changed in his absence. Her new hair cut didn't help either. Her hair had originally been half way down her back, whereas now her hair was sitting neatly on her shoulder. Danny could tell she loved it just by the way she was flicking her hair.

"Your hair looks pretty, kiddo."

"I know," Lucy nodded wildly. "But Daddy you need to listen, Mommy said Benny and me could see you more!" Danny smiled at Lucy's exuberance before casting his eyes up. Just like his daughter, his wife had made her way down the driveway, and now stood by Lucy's opened door. He noticed Lindsay's bare feet and just like he'd felt with his daughter, we wanted to scold his wife for not putting shoes or a coat on before coming outside.

"I said you could wave and blow kisses from the front door, Lucy. I don't think I said for you to run outside, did I?"

"Tell him Mommy!" Lucy cried.

"Go dry off inside baby girl," Lindsay instructed. "I don't want you catching a cold, okay? I'll be two minutes, I need to talk to Daddy real quick."

Lucy did as she was told, but not before leaning over the console between hers' and Danny's seat. She pressed a kiss to Danny's cheek and shuffled out of the car. She glanced at Lindsay, before running up the driveway and slamming the front door shut.

There was an eerie silence between husband and wife, despite the beating of the rain on every surface imaginable.

"I didn't mean to freak you out by coming," Danny said softly. "I'm sorry. I just… I wanted to see them. I wanted to see you." He paused for a moment and sighed at Lindsay's silence. "I love you, Lindsay. I love you and I miss you. I'm sorry if I've hurt you and I think you know deep down that we didn't mean the things we've said, but if you don't want us anymore, I need to know. I'll stop coming around and bothering you, but I need to know one way or the other. It's killing me inside." He paused for a moment as he let her swallow his onslaught of questions.

"I… I… Danny, I just don't know."

"Do you really mean it? Can I see them more? It kills me not seeing them everyday, Linds. I miss the kids. I miss you."

He waited for her to speak. He'd thrown a lot at her and he could tell there was something weighing heavily on her heart. Something she needed to say. He took reassurance that she'd not jumped to tell him to get lost, but her silence still left him wary.

"Come home." It was a whisper; a whisper that he almost missed.

He blinked and cocked his head as he killed the engine. "What?"

"Come home; you need to be here with us. Whatever it is going on between you and me, we can work through it."

Although it was exactly what he wanted to hear, he was positive his ears were deceiving him. He took a deep breath, stretched across the front seats of the SUV and took hold of her hand. He quickly pulled her inside and let her settle on the seat next to him. "Say it again?"

"Lucy needs you. Benny needs you." She whispered. "I need you. And I'd like to think you need me too?"

He shook his head in disbelief. "If I didn't need you, would I be sat outside in the pouring rain just to catch a glimpse of you guys?"

"I never meant for it to go this far," she said over the sound of the rain beating down on every imaginable surface. "I'm sorry, Danny. I never wanted you to leave. Hell, I didn't even want you to sleep on the couch, I just couldn't find it in myself to tell you to come back to bed… and by the time we'd settled into the routine of you not sleeping with me, it felt like it was too late. I should have said something. I should have stopped you." She frowned.

"Don't be sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry that I didn't fight for you."

"That's all I wanted," she said quietly. "I wanted you to fight for me; fight against me. I wanted to see that you still cared. When you moved out… I thought we were through. I was waiting for the divorce papers."

"So was I." he admitted.

"I need to know whether this is over," she said. "Or whether you think there's fight left in you."

"Over?" Danny implored. "Lindsay, we'd never be over." He told her. "When I made my vows to you, I made them forever. Just because we're in the middle of a storm now, doesn't mean it can't be sunny again."

"We can't argue like we used to," she told him. "It's not good for the kids to see that. Lucy thinks you don't love me anymore."

"She thinks that?" Danny asked, feeling like the wind had been knocked from him.

Lindsay nodded. "I keep telling her you do, and we're just fighting and we'll be friends again soon… I just don't know how long she's going to buy that for." Lindsay paused for a moment. "I don't know what to say when they cry for you. I just – I never know what to say to make it better."

"That's why I moved out," he said quietly. "I didn't want to make them cry anymore… or you for that matter."

"It doesn't matter about me."

"It does." He said. "You're the most important person in my life. I just forgot how to show you that for a while."

"I've missed you," she cleared the lump in her throat. "I didn't think I would but when you left I realised what I lost. I've just been too damn stubborn to ask you to come home."

"And I've been too stubborn to come home." Danny concluded.

Lindsay wrapped her arms tighter around herself. It was hard to tell from the rain drops that had soaked her face, but as a tear slipped down her cheek, Danny reached out and pulled her into his arms, despite the console between them; holding her like he did before their storm of emotions hit in full force.

"I love you, Lindsay. I love you and Lucy and Benny; that's never changed."

"It hasn't?" she whispered, her eyes full of tears. "Even when we were arguing? Even when I told you to leave?"

"Even when we were arguing, and even when you told me to leave." he said. "If I hadn't have cared so much, we wouldn't have been arguing. I would have just walked away; it would have saved us a lot of pain. But I couldn't do that because I love you too much. I just didn't do a very good job of showing you that."

"We said some hurtful things."

"We did," Danny nodded. "But it's nothing that time won't heal." He reasoned. "I just… I can't imagine my life without you in it. I've missed holding you like this," he said as he pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. "I've missed you so much, Lindsay."

"I didn't know what to do without you," she said. "I just… I'm so used to having you there to lean on that I didn't know what to do when you weren't there. The only person I needed when you moved out was you, but you weren't here anymore and I didn't know how to deal with that."

"I'm here now. What can I do to make it better?"

"Hold me, kiss me and don't let me go this time. I need you to move back into our house. I want you to be my husband again."

"I never stopped being your husband." He said before closing the distance between them and sealing his lips to hers'.

Her fingers followed their natural, instinctual path to his back and the base of his neck. She automatically played with his hair as she tangled her tongue with his.

Although things weren't fixed, things were going to get better for their little family; which made Danny believe that maybe it wasn't over after all.

The front door opened violently and both Danny and Lindsay turned to face their little girl stood in the doorway. From the look on her face and dripping wet hair, she'd completely disregarded Lindsay's instructions and had instead decided to spy on them, meaning that she'd seen their embrace.

"Are you comin' home?" She called out over the rain in her little accent.

"I'm comin' home." Danny smiled as he kept his arms wrapped tightly around Lindsay as she laid her head on Danny's chest, seeking solace in his arms.

Without a second's thought, Lucy sprinted from the front door and launched herself into the SUV with her parents' as she wrapped her little arms around Lindsay and patted Danny in acknowledgement. She squeezed Lindsay tight before looking up to Danny with her blue eyes. "Do you love Mommy again?"

Sighing heavily, Danny let go of Lindsay with one arm momentarily and scooped Lucy up into his arms and across onto his lap. "I never stopped loving her." He whispered, catching Lindsay's gaze for just a split second. And in just the split second that they shared a look, Danny could see in Lindsay's eyes that those five, simple words was exactly what she needed to hear.

It wouldn't always be easy, but as he looked at his wife and daughter, two of the three things in the world that mattered most to him, he realised that no matter what they had to go through, it would always be worth it.

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**There we have it! Hope you guys enjoyed! I can't promise (oh god, I just wrote Primrose as in Prim from the hunger games if you're familiar with it - I am ridiculous) As I was saying, I can't promise there will be regular updates/stories from me but I will definitely try my best. **

**As ever, any thoughts are hugely appreciated - thanks for reading! :) **


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